Constance

You are the constant everything
Everyone else is a passing shadow
People flow through me, lacking substance, light as air
Unimpressed, I search for a heavier sense
Something to anchor without weighing me down
But nothing is as complicated
And I’ve gotten used to complicated
I do it well now
Dreading the mundaneness of else

Eager for an exhaustion that comes with confounding complexity
Nothing else makes sense
When did I willingly escape sanity?

With you transfixed in my constant background
Everything else is a reflection, a bounce-off, a juxtaposition
A stark uncomfortable contrast
I compare, constantly, water to vinegar and the sky to the sea
Looking for citrus but its too high up, and I climb but still, I can never reach
So I take the fallen apples for a temporary satiation that clumsily fades

In this midst I’ve constantly changed
For you, from you
Why are you still here?

Through this I’ve grown into my now
Where would I be otherwise? I wonder
Unevolved? Maybe unbroken
An untried wholeness without consequence then, maybe
But fragile

Here, though, my bones have toughened against your touch
I run faster, after chasing you for so long
More agile, after bending to your slightest whim
Graceful still, for having to acrobat through your jungle of absurdities

I breathe better too, because once I thought I lost my wind for good
But then I found it waiting just around the corner
And now I know I always will
If I just keep moving

My constant, you are still
Comforting
But since in your complexity I’ve settled for so long
It has become that dreaded mundane
And now, here I am — again

(Written February 2013)

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s